david schultz dot org(dot com was taken)

I have such a love/hate relationship with Facebook. It provides an endless stream of both entertainment and disgust yet i just can’t stop logging in. The things that drive me crazy the most are the ridiculous status updates. Boy are they annoying. Here are some that top my most hated list:

1. The “missionary”
This person makes it their mission in life to spread their religious beliefs via their facebook updates. This accomplishes nothing other than further alienating anyone they may want to save while being cheered on by other believers.

2. The “big event bragger”
These people assume we are deeply concerned about how many more sleeps they have until their big cottage vacation. On the bright side, they are certain to announce when they will be away so we can safely ransack their houses.

3. The “The insecure attention seeker”
These people need comments & attention STAT!. An example status update might look like: “ worst day ever!” or “ is sad”. Apparently these people hope to get enough pity or cheers such that their daily drama can match that of the best soap operas.

4. The “social media maven”
These people are updating all their social media status messages at once using tools like ping.fm. Heads up, lazy random out-of-place status update incoming!!!

5. The “marketer of minutia”
These folks will be sure you to let know that they are eating breakfast, just watched the latest episode of True Blood or how much they love their boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/dog/cat etc.

6. The “exclamationer”!!!!!!!
These people end literally every sentence with an exclamation. Similar to #3 and #5, these people have a sad idea of what is exciting or dramatic in life but try to make up for it with bad punctuation.

Please feel free to add any others i’ve missed in the comments.